Like and Unlike Most (But Not All)
by TotusTuusMary
Summary: As the daughter of River and the Doctor, Rita's life is both like and unlike that of most (but not all) children. A series of AU one-shots of varying lengths and genres, but mostly humor because I like funny things! I'll add more whenever I get ideas, so suggestions are welcome!
1. Chapter 1: Mum and Dad

Chapter 1: Mum and Dad

_Like most (but not all) children, Rita had a mum and a dad._

"Good morning, Rita," said her mother with a smile, looking up from the TARDIS console as Rita walked in one morning.

"Good morning, Mum. What are we doing today?" Rita replied, stifling a yawn and stretching, still trying to wake up.

"Well, your dad made breakfast this morning," said River.

"So we're finding somewhere to land and get food while the TARDIS tries to repair the kitchen?" asked Rita.

"Exactly!" replied River with a smile.

"I heard that!" came a voice from under the console as the Doctor stuck his head out and glared at his wife and daughter. "I'll have you know that I learned to cook from some of the finest chefs in history!"

"Back to the point, Doctor, where are we going?" asked River.

"Well, there's a planet called Janx in the-" began the Doctor excitedly.

"Doctor, aren't you forgetting something?" River interrupted.

"Of course I'm not!" he said indignantly. "What am I forgetting?"

"Janx is in a part of the universe that only has two extended space dimensions, which means it's 2D. We're 3D, so we'd be flattened!"

"We could still try! If we-" continued the Doctor, still confident in his plan.

"No!" interrupted River firmly.

"Oh, all right then," said the Doctor, almost pouting.

_Unlike most (but not all) children, Rita had a mum who had been put in jail for murdering her dad, but then everyone forgot about it and let her out. She also aged backwards, just to freak people out._

"Actually, Rita, let's talk about that when you're a bit older, okay?"


	2. Chapter 2: Grocery Shopping

Chapter 2: Grocery Shopping

_Like most (but not all) children, Rita had a mum and dad who occasionally did boring things like grocery shopping._

"We're out of milk-again!" exclaimed the Doctor, his head in the TARDIS fridge. "Rita, did you steal all the milk?"

"Of course not!" she said indignantly.

Pulling his head out and staring at her excitedly, the Doctor replied, "Maybe we have a Nargil. It's a small, furry creature with 27 eyes. They live solely on milk, but they're terrified of cows and other milk-producing animals, so they have to steal milk from the jug or carton in order to live."

"I know! We could get a cow!" replied his daughter, equally excited.

River, standing by the door and previously unnoticed by the other two, broke in, saying, "No, we are not getting a cow. We do not have a Nargil-you just made that up as an excuse to get a friend for Arthur. We're just going to have to go grocery shopping," she said, cutting off their protests.

_Unlike most (but not all) children, Rita had a mum and dad who made even boring things like grocery shopping fun._

"Oooh, I love this store!" exclaimed the Doctor as they entered through the automatic doors (the exit ones, of course). "I come here all the time-and I mean all the time. There's probably at least three of me in here right now. Hey, Rita, if we build a catapult out of this display, a mop, and a pogo stick, I bet we could be the reason a bag of cinnamon rolls flew into my cart when I was here a few years ago!"

"Cleanup on aisle five. And six...and seven," droned the loudspeaker as the Doctor and Rita tested their contraption.

Over the sound of several displays clattering to the floor, they could hear a cry of surprise from the next aisle over. "Oops, sorry!" called the Doctor, grinning at Rita. "That was definitely a success," he pronounced.

Laughing, River replied, "I can't take you two anywhere!"

"We did just come here for milk, you know," observed River quite a while later as they steered their train of five carts filled with sweets, pogo sticks, lip balm, yo-yos, duct tape, a funny-looking type of cheese and numerous other items towards the checkout.

"We do have some milk in here-or at least, I think we do," replied Rita, perched in the final cart and holding onto the the next cart in the train to keep them together (the others were tied together with a bow tie, braces, and a jump rope.).

Turning, Rita waved energetically at her dad one lane over (a younger one, she thought, with an unbelievably long brown coat), as the clerk sighed, "Not you again, sir." Meanwhile, her dad (the current one, without his customary bow tie for once) dug in his bigger-on-the-inside pockets, searching for some money. He pulled out bits of string, a button, funny rocks, and even something that might possibly have been alive at some point (this one he shoved back in his pocket quickly after shooting a guilty glance at River.).

Eventually, he pulled out an eclectic mixture of currency and began inspecting it. "Hmm, this one's no good, it's from a parallel universe," he said, discarding a coin before looking speculatively at the next. "This one's at least from this galaxy," he said, sounding a bit more optimistic until he met the beleaguered gaze of the clerk. "No? Well, how about this one," he exclaimed triumphantly, holding out a bright purple-and-orange plaid triangle. "It'll be valid currency here in, oh, forty years or so, and it should more than cover this lot, even with the rampant inflation during the next five years-oops, probably shouldn't have said that. Anyway. Will that work?" he asked eagerly.

The clerk, knowing he was lucky to get no worse, sighed and said, "Of course, sir."

* * *

Author's note: So, what do you guys think? Just some random stuff about what would happen if the crazily childish Doctor actually had a child of his own. Anyway, I only have a couple more ideas right now, so when those are up, I'm open to inspiration! If you have any ideas, put them in a review or message. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3: Colorful Coats and Celery

Chapter 3: Colorful Coats and Celery

_Like most (but not all) children, Rita loved to look at old photos of her parents, especially her dad._

"Did you really wear that ridiculous coat?" she asked, giggling. "You look like a clown store exploded on you!"

"Yes, it was rather colorful; I did have some rather odd taste when I was younger, didn't I?" replied the Doctor ruefully. "Of course, I'm much cooler now," he pronounced as he twiddled his bow tie.

"Please can we find that coat so I can wear it for Halloween?" Rita asked excitedly.

"OK, we can look and I'll even take you trick-or-treating tonight-I love time travel, any day can be any holiday you like!-but on one condition," replied the Doctor seriously.

"What's that?" replied Rita, a little worried.

"I get a fifty-fifty cut of the candy, of course!" exclaimed the Doctor.

"Done!" replied Rita, grinning.

_Unlike most (but not all) children, Rita sometimes accidentally met her dad when he was younger._

"Well hello there," said her celery-wearing dad, smiling and out of breath as he accidentally ran straight into Rita one day.

"You're really wearing celery!" she laughed. "I can't believe it!"

"Yes, I am," replied the Doctor, distracted. "Now, are your parents nearby?"

"My dad is really close right now," she said, still laughing.

"Good. Now go back to your parents quickly before the-well, before something you very much don't want to meet catches up to us," he said, then took off running again.

Luckily, he forgot about the strange little girl quickly and the space-time continuum remained intact.

* * *

_Author's Note: Well, those are all my ideas at the moment. I may think of some more, but inspiration from you guys is certainly welcome! Just leave a review or PM me; thanks so much for reading!_


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